1. |
The Donut Days
03:36
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I’m not coming home
I’m just growing old
I’m still just a kid
In an adult outfit
Donut days are over I know this
It’s ok just give me one minute
Loans and debt is it five o’ clock yet
Donut days the future looked so great
You use to laugh
At the darkest jokes
Now your eyes just roll
No matter the show
Donut days are over you know this
Pressure’s growing only in your head
They all love you and they always will
Even if you’re not successful
Donut days are over I know this
I just wanted one more visit
To a land the cynical can’t find
C’mon now they were there the whole time
I use to fly
Across the georgia sky
Now I just sit and wait
For something good to happen
I wanna play outside everyday
Not drink on every Saturday
I wanna swim on the ocean floor
Not work on this awful third floor
I wanna win every single game
Like I did back in the donut days
It’s okay it wasn’t really like that
Donut days you’re over thank goodness
Cause I’m not coming home
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2. |
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When I was younger every movie I’d see the screen would be crackling cause of an old machine it’s called the V.H.S. oh yes
After I watched all the flicks my folks bought 109 times I turned to channel four it’s called C.B.S. oh yes
There was a man sitting behind a desk of an enviable height and a gap toothed smile his name was David Letterman
I was too small to get the jokes he told, but the one thing I knew I wanted to attract people just like you and maybe wear a suit.
Cause I’ll never have as much love as David Letterman
I’ll never have the respect of my friends
I’ll never have as much peace as Mahatma Gandhi
I’ll never have the respect of my family
During my 20’s my motivation was fleeting especially when I was introduced to my first drink and proceeded to drink every night
After I met her I wondered if I’d ever have enough time to give both loves of my life
exactly what they deserve
As weird hair grew and my nervousness too the wrinkles on his face made me realize
I need to pick up the pace I need to pick up the pace.
Cause I’ll never have as much love as David Letterman
I’ll never have as the respect of my friends
I’ll never have as much love as Nelson Mandela
I’ll never handle a club like the Dalai Lama
This isn’t the way that I thought it’d go down.
Where all the kids lining the streets?
In every town and every night.
It’s one hundred and one million to a one
To punch the culture in the gut.
Like
Jimmy Carson
Richard Pryor
Lora Hirschberg
Derek Jeter
Nina Simone
Miyamoto
Robin Williams
Ghostface Killah and God
Cause I’ll never have as much love as David Letterman
I’ll never have the respect of my friends
I’ll never have as much wit as Courtney Barnett
I’ll never have as much grit as Sam Elliot
I’ll never mix a song as well as Susan Rogers
I’ll never play ball for the L.A. Dodgers
I’ll never have as much love as David Letterman
I’ll never break down the walls like Janet Reno did
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3. |
Chilled, Salt and Lime
05:20
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Chilled, salt and lime I don’t want to be a man tonight
After I saw two blue lines, my habits would not abide
I guess I’ll close out and head on down the road
Cause I don’t want to be
A man tonight
I wasn’t ready to become a dad that night
How did you know that I would fold
Please trust me Molly you wouldn’t have wanted me
At the dinner table
You and that boy now are much better off in this world
Without a copout
Cause I don’t want to Be
It is now expected of me
I don’t wanna
Six months in, I kind of want a cigarette
And a bucket of Sauvignon Blanc though I should not
Give in to the chaos in the next room.
Cause I don’t want to be
A woman tonight
I wasn’t ready to become a mom that night
Now I’m just a kid with a kid
I miss all of my friends I wonder what they’re doing
And somehow I still miss him
I miss my old body I miss the old molly
I miss wanting to kill him
Cause I don’t want to be
It is now expected of me
I don’t wanna
No salt or lime, I’m gonna be a man tonight
Cause guess who just walked in I think his friends call him Jim
As he approached, I thought what the hell was he thinking
Cause he didn’t want to be a
(Chorus)
A man that night
He gave up his right to be my old man that night
What did he think that I would do
It took six or seven to pull me off of him
I wanted to kill him
Why did he come today to my kid’s first birthday
What did he think that I would do
Cause he won’t ever be
He’s just an insect to me
He will never ever be a man
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4. |
The Wrestler
03:53
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Rob walks into a bar with decals on the wall
Overpriced and vintage, he couldn’t give a shit
Making eye contact with someone near the back
It’s his big handsome blonde haired friend named Jim
With unfamiliar faces surrounding the table
He starts to infiltrate their conversations
One hour till last call
It’s time to up the ethanol
Now it’s drinks and jokes and bathroom trips for blow
But little do they know, the fun hasn’t begun
Like so many children do when they’re young
Rob puts Jim in a headlock and now it’s on
And they’re laughing and grappling, everyone is watching
With awkward stares the barkeeps cold glare
In a voice annoyed and loud he says
Get out…
In Another Life
As You Would’ve Guessed
He Would’ve Gone By The Name
Mr. Magnificent
In Another Life
He Might’ve Worn Tights
Or Maybe A Mask
Or Just Some Red Spandex
Leaving the bar the match resumes by the car
To Mr. Jim’s Surprise, there’s a fire in Rob’s eyes
As he grabs his neck, he somehow pulls off a suplex
And what would be fine on a mat is not on cement
With Jim down for the count, it’s 1, 2, 3 and out
He dizzily stumbles back to his feet
After a few laughs and a pat on the back
They agree to convene next Monday evening
Well the next thing you know, the cops are at Rob’s door
They’re asking him questions about the night before
They say son, do you know, your friend died hours ago
We’ll need you to come with us, then they applied handcuffs
Sitting in the back on the hard plastic
Realizing this life might be changing fast
Not by a house, a wife, or a lab
He’ll be told what to do by a guard named Stan
In Another Life
As You Would’ve Guessed
He Would’ve Gone By The Name
Mr. Magnificent
In Another Life
He Might’ve Worn Tights
Or Maybe a Mask
Or Just Some Red Spandex
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5. |
Attack of the Gacked
03:28
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Ga Ga Ga Gacked
Ga Ga Ga Gacked
Attack of the Gacked
Ga Ga Ga Gacked
Right Before His Mother Put Him To Bed
His Old Man And One Of His Friends
We’re In A Debate Without End
In That Same Old
Island-less Kitchen
In A Conversation Without End
Ga Ga Ga Gacked
Ga Ga Ga Gacked
They’re Coming Back
Ga Ga Ga Gacked
After He Woke
It Took Him More Than A Decade To Know
Why His Dad And One Of His Friends
We’re In The Same Clothes From The Night Before
In That Same Ol
Island-less Kitchen
In A Conversation Without End
He Said Hey Man
How Ya Been
Follow Me Into
The Kitchen
Why Does It Always
It Always
Winds Up
In The Kitchen
Right Before His Mother Put Him To Bed
His Old Man And One Of His Friends
We’re In A Debate Without End
In That Same Ol
Island-Less Kitchen
In A Conversation Without End
He Said Hey Man
How Ya Been
Follow Me Into
The Kitchen
Why Does It Always
It Always
Winds Up
In The Kitchen
He Said Hey Man
How Ya Been
Follow Me Into
The Kitchen
Why Does It Always
It Always
Winds Up
In The Kitchen
Ga Ga Ga Gacked
Ga Ga Ga
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6. |
Heaven
03:41
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Heaven
At the end of my life, there wasn’t a light at the end of the tunnel. There just was a sign. It said do not cometh. I thought, “oh no, what the hell have I doneth?”
Long ago my mother told me a bit about purgatory. It’s where people like her father would be. Stuck for eternity.
Looking down at my dead body, a flat line dancing across the screen. It wasn’t a dream. I started to freak out.
They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into Heaven
They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into Heaven
It’s something that many struggle with. The rules, the books, the fantasy undertones. It’s also a big part of a comic’s bit. A least we’ll have lots of laughs and wit.
Outside the not so purely white gates. It’s closer to a dirty shade of grey. There’s nothing to eat. There’s nothing to drink. No need for restrooms. No need to sleep.
I’m not gonna lie, it’s terrible out here. I’d give anything. Anything for a drag. Just one drag. Just one drink. How the hell did all my friends get into?
Heaven
They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into
Heaven
They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into
Heaven
They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into
Heaven
They’re Not Gonna Let Me In
Heaven
They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into
Heaven
They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into
Heaven
I Thought I Lived A Decent One
Heaven
They’re Not Gonna Let Me In
Heaven
They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into
Heaven
They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into
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