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The Donut Days

by Hot Damn Burnette

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1.
The Donut Days 03:36
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I’m not coming home I’m just growing old I’m still just a kid In an adult outfit Donut days are over I know this It’s ok just give me one minute Loans and debt is it five o’ clock yet Donut days the future looked so great You use to laugh At the darkest jokes Now your eyes just roll No matter the show Donut days are over you know this Pressure’s growing only in your head They all love you and they always will Even if you’re not successful Donut days are over I know this I just wanted one more visit To a land the cynical can’t find C’mon now they were there the whole time I use to fly Across the georgia sky Now I just sit and wait For something good to happen I wanna play outside everyday Not drink on every Saturday I wanna swim on the ocean floor Not work on this awful third floor I wanna win every single game Like I did back in the donut days It’s okay it wasn’t really like that Donut days you’re over thank goodness Cause I’m not coming home
2.
I'll Never Have as Much Love as David Letterman 04:16
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When I was younger every movie I’d see the screen would be crackling cause of an old machine it’s called the V.H.S. oh yes After I watched all the flicks my folks bought 109 times I turned to channel four it’s called C.B.S. oh yes There was a man sitting behind a desk of an enviable height and a gap toothed smile his name was David Letterman I was too small to get the jokes he told, but the one thing I knew I wanted to attract people just like you and maybe wear a suit. Cause I’ll never have as much love as David Letterman I’ll never have the respect of my friends I’ll never have as much peace as Mahatma Gandhi I’ll never have the respect of my family During my 20’s my motivation was fleeting especially when I was introduced to my first drink and proceeded to drink every night After I met her I wondered if I’d ever have enough time to give both loves of my life exactly what they deserve As weird hair grew and my nervousness too the wrinkles on his face made me realize I need to pick up the pace I need to pick up the pace. Cause I’ll never have as much love as David Letterman I’ll never have as the respect of my friends I’ll never have as much love as Nelson Mandela I’ll never handle a club like the Dalai Lama This isn’t the way that I thought it’d go down. Where all the kids lining the streets? In every town and every night. It’s one hundred and one million to a one To punch the culture in the gut. Like Jimmy Carson Richard Pryor Lora Hirschberg Derek Jeter Nina Simone Miyamoto Robin Williams Ghostface Killah and God Cause I’ll never have as much love as David Letterman I’ll never have the respect of my friends I’ll never have as much wit as Courtney Barnett I’ll never have as much grit as Sam Elliot I’ll never mix a song as well as Susan Rogers I’ll never play ball for the L.A. Dodgers I’ll never have as much love as David Letterman I’ll never break down the walls like Janet Reno did
3.
Chilled, Salt and Lime 05:20
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Chilled, salt and lime I don’t want to be a man tonight After I saw two blue lines, my habits would not abide I guess I’ll close out and head on down the road Cause I don’t want to be A man tonight I wasn’t ready to become a dad that night How did you know that I would fold Please trust me Molly you wouldn’t have wanted me At the dinner table You and that boy now are much better off in this world Without a copout 
Cause I don’t want to Be It is now expected of me I don’t wanna Six months in, I kind of want a cigarette And a bucket of Sauvignon Blanc though I should not Give in to the chaos in the next room. Cause I don’t want to be A woman tonight I wasn’t ready to become a mom that night Now I’m just a kid with a kid I miss all of my friends I wonder what they’re doing And somehow I still miss him I miss my old body I miss the old molly I miss wanting to kill him Cause I don’t want to be It is now expected of me I don’t wanna No salt or lime, I’m gonna be a man tonight Cause guess who just walked in I think his friends call him Jim As he approached, I thought what the hell was he thinking Cause he didn’t want to be a (Chorus) A man that night He gave up his right to be my old man that night What did he think that I would do It took six or seven to pull me off of him I wanted to kill him Why did he come today to my kid’s first birthday What did he think that I would do Cause he won’t ever be He’s just an insect to me He will never ever be a man
4.
The Wrestler 03:53
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Rob walks into a bar with decals on the wall Overpriced and vintage, he couldn’t give a shit Making eye contact with someone near the back It’s his big handsome blonde haired friend named Jim 
With unfamiliar faces surrounding the table He starts to infiltrate their conversations One hour till last call It’s time to up the ethanol Now it’s drinks and jokes and bathroom trips for blow But little do they know, the fun hasn’t begun Like so many children do when they’re young Rob puts Jim in a headlock and now it’s on And they’re laughing and grappling, everyone is watching With awkward stares the barkeeps cold glare In a voice annoyed and loud he says Get out… In Another Life As You Would’ve Guessed He Would’ve Gone By The Name Mr. Magnificent In Another Life He Might’ve Worn Tights Or Maybe A Mask Or Just Some Red Spandex Leaving the bar the match resumes by the car To Mr. Jim’s Surprise, there’s a fire in Rob’s eyes As he grabs his neck, he somehow pulls off a suplex And what would be fine on a mat is not on cement With Jim down for the count, it’s 1, 2, 3 and out He dizzily stumbles back to his feet After a few laughs and a pat on the back They agree to convene next Monday evening Well the next thing you know, the cops are at Rob’s door They’re asking him questions about the night before They say son, do you know, your friend died hours ago We’ll need you to come with us, then they applied handcuffs Sitting in the back on the hard plastic Realizing this life might be changing fast Not by a house, a wife, or a lab He’ll be told what to do by a guard named Stan In Another Life As You Would’ve Guessed He Would’ve Gone By The Name Mr. Magnificent In Another Life He Might’ve Worn Tights Or Maybe a Mask Or Just Some Red Spandex
5.
Attack of the Gacked 03:28
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Ga Ga Ga Gacked Ga Ga Ga Gacked Attack of the Gacked Ga Ga Ga Gacked Right Before His Mother Put Him To Bed His Old Man And One Of His Friends We’re In A Debate Without End In That Same Old Island-less Kitchen In A Conversation Without End Ga Ga Ga Gacked Ga Ga Ga Gacked They’re Coming Back Ga Ga Ga Gacked After He Woke It Took Him More Than A Decade To Know Why His Dad And One Of His Friends We’re In The Same Clothes From The Night Before In That Same Ol Island-less Kitchen In A Conversation Without End He Said Hey Man How Ya Been Follow Me Into The Kitchen Why Does It Always It Always Winds Up In The Kitchen Right Before His Mother Put Him To Bed His Old Man And One Of His Friends We’re In A Debate Without End In That Same Ol Island-Less Kitchen In A Conversation Without End He Said Hey Man How Ya Been Follow Me Into The Kitchen Why Does It Always It Always Winds Up In The Kitchen He Said Hey Man How Ya Been Follow Me Into The Kitchen Why Does It Always It Always Winds Up In The Kitchen Ga Ga Ga Gacked Ga Ga Ga
6.
Heaven 03:41
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Heaven At the end of my life, there wasn’t a light at the end of the tunnel. There just was a sign. It said do not cometh. I thought, “oh no, what the hell have I doneth?” Long ago my mother told me a bit about purgatory. It’s where people like her father would be. Stuck for eternity. Looking down at my dead body, a flat line dancing across the screen. It wasn’t a dream. I started to freak out. They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into Heaven They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into Heaven It’s something that many struggle with. The rules, the books, the fantasy undertones. It’s also a big part of a comic’s bit. A least we’ll have lots of laughs and wit. Outside the not so purely white gates. It’s closer to a dirty shade of grey. There’s nothing to eat. There’s nothing to drink. No need for restrooms. No need to sleep. I’m not gonna lie, it’s terrible out here. I’d give anything. Anything for a drag. Just one drag. Just one drink. How the hell did all my friends get into? Heaven They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into Heaven They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into Heaven They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into Heaven They’re Not Gonna Let Me In Heaven They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into Heaven They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into Heaven I Thought I Lived A Decent One Heaven They’re Not Gonna Let Me In Heaven They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into Heaven They’re Not Gonna Let Me Into

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released November 1, 2018

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Hot Damn Burnette Nashville, Tennessee

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